OOOOOOHHHHH BOOY!

"B4U (Rising Sun mix)" by NAOKI with J-RAVERS

Ok, If you have played Hottest Party, you know this song isn't the imfamously IMPOSSIBLE TO BEAT Super Samurai. It's actually titled B4U. Spotify messed up. You thought that wasn't possible? Well. It is.

Good. Now that that's cleared up, why this super hardcore super ravey song with violent rhythm? Well, when I tell you the topic, you will understand. Oooooooooh you are going to understand so well that your whole body will be electrocuted by that "I feel you brother" feeling. Two words. Candy... You can guess the rest. WOOOOOOOO BOOY WHERE SHOULD I START? From the beginning of course...

So let me tell you the plotline. You are Toffette, an adorable little girl who goes around helping people out. How do you help these people, by matching candy of course! However, as the story goes on, you learn that Toffette is really a spawn of Satan who haunts your dreams and turns you into masochistic nightmarish shell of your former self.

This child will haunt your dreams until you die.

You see, she keeps choosing to help people no matter how difficult the task is. And YOU have to do all the dirty work. So you go through the first level, then the second, then the third and you are all like:

This game is so easy! I'm the best!

But then you hit your first pitfall around level 25.

Overconfidence karma...

So you lose all your lives and you keep trying and you lose all your lives and you keep trying and you lose all your lives and you-

STOP THE MADNESS

THEN YOU SUCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU BEAT CAAANDDY CRUUUSH!!!!

And you win by a large margin when this happens...

But then you realize there are still 267 more levels to go... AND COUNTING. But after going through that hell you feel like you've conquered the worst and it's no longer an uphill battle.

Bring it.

So you play, and you beat more levels and you hit another pitfall and you try and try and get through but then you realize that as you go on there are only going to be more obstacles but you keep playing because the game looks so easy to beat with all that candy sittin' around to the point where you don't know what to expect anymore and I know this is a long sentence but just thinking about Candy Crush just makes me hold my breath and not pause ever when I type because it is that freaking stressful.

So now you're trapped playing this supposedly easygoing game that is actually impossible.

I know what you're thinking. "It's titled Candy Crush! How difficult could it be?" No. But you don't understand. The candy pops up at random so you have to choose your moves carefully. Chocolate balls are The Jesus. Combine them with stripes, but don't spend too many moves trying to do that, you still have 748,203,726,342,346,723,867,830 jellies to pop. And sometimes the stripes sit juuuust diagonally from the chocolate ball just to taunt you. Or you'll have one move left and one jelly left and it is futile. Or there will be chocolate blocks on the screen and you'll have to debate over whether to free the candy prisoners or kill those wretched squares of chocolate.

Candy Crush is a wretched cycle. If you don't play it, GOOD. If you do:

May God have mercy on your soul!