I almost had a topic but then I completely blanked.

"Everybody" by Basement Jaxx

I'm feeling kind of randomly spontaneous like this song.

I am gonna need topical stuff though.

Hmm... Last time I was talking about the Spaghetti Monster religion.

There is actually a point to its existence though...

Oh reeeeleeee?

Yes really.

You see the religion is deliberately ridiculous. It doesn't mock other religions. But it mocks ridiculous stuff done in the name of religion.

I know, It's quite fascinating.

Alright so I'll just google the words to the beginning of a question and see what comes up...

Then I'll tell you what pops up when I type every letter of the alphabet to start the next word. I will answer these questions.

"HOW DO I" (no letters)

Love thee?

Give me foods.

Get a passport?

You don't need a pass to use a portapotty.

Get ios 7?

Money.

Live without you?
Don't die.

TWO love topics? eww...

"How do I" (Q)

Qualify for unemployment?

Kick your boss repeatedly in the shin.

Qualify for medicaid

Spend all your money.

Qualify for unemployment in NY?

Try theatre without any training.

Quote a tweet?

UMM. RETWEET.

HOLY CRAP. Is everybody trying to get poor?

(W)

Write a resume?
Organize your crap.

Watch videos on instagram?

Update your apps people.

Write a book?

JUST DO IT.

Wipe my mac clean?

CLOROX.

People care more about Instagram than books? sigh...

(E)

Enable cookies?

Buy an oven.

Edit a PDF?

PRINT IT AND USE CRAYONS.

Enable Java?

Go to Starbucks.

Enable cookies in safari?

Bring them with you.

Cookies and coffee sounds pretty good actually...

(R)

Renew my passport?

AGAIN WITH THE PORTAPOTIES! GO AWAY.

Reset my ipod?

Buy an iphone. Get with the times.

Reach these kids?

WITH YOUR ARMS.

Right click on a mac?

IF YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO THAT WHY DID YOU BUY A MAC?!?!!!?!???

One more toilet question and I swear...

(T)

Take a screenshot on my iphone?

PRESS THE BUTTONS.

Take a screenshot?

PRESS THE BUTTONS.

Take a screenshot on my pc?

PRESS THE FREAKIN' BUTTONS ASK ONE MORE TIME. SEE WHAT HAPPENS!

Tie a tie?

(I thought so...) loopdeloop n' pull.

Screenshots are such a high priority nowadays. I guess more important than tuburculosis... and twerking!

(Y)

Yolo?

Leave now before I shoot you.

Youtube?

Youtube is not a verb.

Yahoo?

YAHOO IS NOT A VERB EITHER.

Yodel?

Try to imitate a dying alpaca.

HOW DO I YOLO?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! 

(U)

Update my ipad?

Get itunes.

Unlock my iphone?

How did you forget your own code to begin with?!

Unfriend someone on Facebook?

Is that really a question?

Use icloud?

There are so many ways TO use it that the question is unanswerable.

Technical idiots are everywhere!

(I)

Invest in my future?

Do you really think you'll find the answer from google?

Install fonts?

Money, I'm guessing.

Increase my metabolism?

EAT A BANANA FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.

Install minecraft mods?

I have never played minecraft so I can't help you there...

I am so sassy with my answers...

(O)

Open a rar file?

Use Bitzipper (or is it bitzapper? whatever...)

Open my iphone?

SLIDE THE THINGY.

Obtain a passport?

...............no................

Open a zip file?

Bitzipzapper.

The toilet had the audacity to come up again...

(P)

Put this gently?

Don't sass me like that.

Print screen?

Click "Print".

Print screen on a mac?

Don't make me repeat myself.

Put this disney?

......Wha?

GOOGLE SASSED ME BACK?! Wow.

Next row later peeps!