Revolutionary Proceedings

"Spider-Man Theme" by Ugress

I feel supa mocha right now.

Why?

Because I have a poetry blog.

What ever you say Lindsay.

(LET'S JUST SIT AND ADMIRE THE IRONY FOR A MOMENT.)

Ok. 

But really.

I kind of feel like I need a set of bongos and a cup of Starbucks.

Actually I don't. I lied.

My poems are deliberately terrible.

But even so, there is something about poetry that reveals truths not commonly found in prose.

But most of the time it's just pishposh.

This is the link to my poetry blog:

 http://thecomicpoetguy.tumblr.com/

Proceed with caution. They are pretty silly.

I don't know what inspired me to create a poetry tumblr.

I guess my thought process was

"I WANT TO DO SOMETHING SILLY THAT IS REPEATABLE."

So I guess that manifested as tumblr poetry.

And tumblr poetry is pretty silly as is. The "good" tumblr poems don't even make sense because there are waaaaaaaay too many adjectives.

I avoid that. I tend to tell it as it is.

So the car stuff

"Super Samurai" by Jun

Spotify is probably never going to fix the Dance Dance Revolution Hottest Party music because I probably make up 70 percent of the people who listen to that on Spotify.

Anyways.

I GOT MY LICENSE!

Yes!

Honestly. That was my singular goal for the summer.

Well... other than the whole "be ready for college" thing.

I'm leaving for college in a week.

A FREAKING WEEK.

It's very surreal.

Wait this post is supposed to be about my license getting journey!

Honestly, do you really want me to put your though the torture of the DMV?

Well here it is.

I just totally summed up the DMV right there for yah.

The test is all about knowing your boat smarts and following directions.

The first two times (NY doesn't count. That lady had an unreasonable hatred for me and we drove in the slush and I was terrified.) I failed because I didn't use my boat smarts.

But this time I did.

I won't really NEED my license for the next 4 years because college is in NYC...

But it feels good to have it.

I overestimated the feeling of having it.

I thought it would be like this

I SUMMON THE POWER

(Dumbledore is totally the Dormammu of the wizarding world...)

But it felt more like a thumbs up.

Driving experience is accumulated. You can't just summon the ability to drive.

Having the freedom to drive anywhere when I need to doesn't make me a better driver. It's just gives me permission to drive.

So yah.

Let's kill two birds wi-- That's pretty messed up. Nevermind

"Two Steps" by Alice Russell

This song perfectly describes my relationship with this blog. I'm on track yet I'm ALWAYS BEHIND.

Luckily I can catch up because I did TWO major things today.

I went to the dentist and I got my drivers license (FINALLYHALLELU!)

So I want to talk serious.

Get real with me for a moment.

OK so I never liked the dentist.

I mean think about it.

This person is PAID to stick sharp objects in YOUR mouth.

Don't look at me like that hear me out man!

Sure, they have gone through all of the training required and undoubtedly know what they're doing...

BUT SO DID THIS GUY

       Freaky Fred.

Freaky Fred went to barbering school, got his license, owned a barber shop.

However, he was a lunatic.

HE SHAVED EVERYONE BALD.

Of course they couldn't stop him. He was "The Trained Professional." 

Now think of the dentist.

You don't know them on any personal level.

They scrape your teeth with all sorts of metal objects.

They put all sorts of chemicals in your mouth that you shouldn't swallow.

AND YOU DON'T SEE ANY OF THIS PROCESS.

Your dentist could be just as secretly crazy as Freaky Fred.

Your local cashier could be just as secretly crazy as Freaky Fred.

Any service provider could be just as secretly crazy as Freaky Fred.

Sorry...

Now I got you all paranoid of everybody...

As long as you have your safety bunker you'll be fine...

WHAT? YOU DON'T HAVE ONE?!

It's already too late!

Ok now that you're excessively paranoid I'll end the post here.

The final questions...

"MineTurtle" by The Living Tombstone

HOW DO IIIIIIII...

(Z)

Zip a file?
With the zipper.

Zoom in?
Use the + symbol.

Zoom out?
Use the - symbol.

Zoom out on my mac?
WAIT I THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT CAMERAS...

Coudja be a little more specific with the questions?

(X)

YOU KNOW WHAT. THIS IS FREAKING BORING I'M GONNA ABRUPTLY STOP.

"But I wanted to see the re-"

hush yourself.

I'm sorry if this was actually amusing you but after the 20th letter things kind of get monotonous...

What did I do yesterday?

Well, I was ordered to clean the house and I did it extra well in order to watch the Breaking Bad premiere. 

IT WAS SO UTTERLY WORTH IT.

And I will say nothing because you have to experience it for yourself. 

If you have experienced it already, kudos, you have an A++ in TV viewing. 

That's what I did yesterday.

If you think I'm going to finish the Google thing...

I'm not.

I mean it.

Let's do row 2 of the "HOW DO I" game!

"Tiger" by Maximum Balloon

ALL right let's kick it into gear.

HOW DO IIIIIIIII....

(A)

Apply for medicaid?
Talk to a government official.

Apply for unemployment?
What the hell did I just tell you?

Apply for food stamps?
Ohmygosh stop.

Apply for a passport?
This early and the toilet is causing more problems...

I'm humbled by the letter A.

(S)

Screenshot?
the butttooonnnssssss.

Screenshot on a mac?
THE BUTTTOOONNNSNSSSSS.

Start a blog?
Just type. Don't stop. Boggerz 4 Evah.

Sync my ipod?
Plug it in Plug it in!

More screenshooting? meh!

(D)

Delete my instagram?
Read the FAQ.

Delete my facebook account?
Read the other FAQ.

Delete my twitter?
Read the OTHER other FAQ.

Delete an app?
Hold it wit' 'cho fingah and press dat X.

That's how you wipe your social existence.

(F)

Find my IP address?
IT'S BEHIND YEWWWW!

Find my iphone?
CALL IT.

Find my apple id?
DID YOU EVEN MAKE ONE YET?

Find my Wifi Password.
Google won't help you here, kid.

These questions are so stupid!

(G)

Get a passport?
What? I didn't hear you.

Get ios 7?
USE YOUR COMPUTah.

Get you alone?
.......umm.... stranger danger much?

Get rid of ants?
Buy a tarantula bad idea I meant anteater.

I'm slowly walking away from question 3...

(H)

Hide my friends on Facebook?
If they need to be hidden they probably aren't good friends to begin with...

Hard boil an egg?
UMM. BOIL IT.

Hack someone's Facebook?
Hacking isn't even needed. Everyone stays logged in.

Hide my IP address?
Umm... there is no need to do that. AND as far as I know YOU CAN'T.

Hacking and hiding. People are sketchy...

(J)

Jailbreak my iphone 4?
GASP! DAT'S ILLEGAL!

Jailbreak my ipod?
DAT'S STILL ILLEGAL!

Join instagram?
UMMMMMMMMMM. Get the freakin app.

Jailbreak my iphone 5?
STILL ILLEGAL!

So much lack of legality! sigh...

Know if I have bed bugs?
I think you'll know when they start sucking your blood and leaving scars.

Know I'm pregnant?
Well... Your regular schedule will be interrupted.

Know if I have a yeast infection?
Well, have you been inhaling your yeast?

Know if my iphone is unlocked?
SEE THOSE APPS? YES? OK GOOD.

Lots of disease and pregnancy and vampires here.

(L)

Love thee?
Food.

Live without you?
Don't die.

Look?
Like a webpage.

Live?
You're doing that as we speak.

Very dramatic...

OK row three next time I can't post something important!

OK so I'm three posts behind and I failed the IL driving test twice.

"Sonic2 Chemical Plant Zone" by C.D.S.

So I'll tell your how I failed to this epic Sonic music

So the first time I failed I was kind of derping around cause I was nervous.

I wasn't even checking my blind spots.

Then yesterday I had almost everything PERFECT but I turned the wheel the wrong way parking downhill.

So basically I derped during and only during the most important part of the test. 

I was a chest hair away from passing the damn test.

One god-awful chest hair.

But hey, I'll do it again soon. I've been through it twice. My birthday is July 12th. 1+2 is 3.

3 is my life number.

And I share my birthday with Bill Cosby.

IT'S FATE.

I know. DEEEEP DOWN IN MY HEART. I'm gonna pass that thing.

I have a driving test in a couple hours

"Voice Yr Choice" by The Go! Team

This song helps me mellow out...

So yesterday I spent time preparing for my driving test.

I took a 175 question practice test.
I parallel parked perfectly quite a few times.

I'm feeling pretty ready

I'm confident in my ability to get my license.

But I am just gonna take it slow so I can do my best.

I should be A OK.

And the best part is that I'll be using my own car. The one I've been practicing in...

So that increases comfort-ability.

I'll tell you how it all goes down in my non-make-up-for-yesterday-post.