A boring adventure.

Whooooowheee. Boy have I got something to tell you! So currently I'm in Illinois as most of you know. Apparently, my mother had been illegally driving for WEEKS while being lucky enough to not get pulled over. You see, her license is invalidated in Illinois and she would have been jailed had she gotten pulled over. But she didn't. Yet, today is the day she decides she ought to go to the DMV and get a legit license. HOWEVER. She needs a lackey to be present so it looks like she didn't drive there with an illegal liscense. Guess who that jive turkey happens to be. YEP! ME. GOOD OL RTYOYO HERE TO SIT IDLY IN A ROOM FULL OF STRANGERS. I mean I guess it's kinda cool. I get to embody a blatant lie physically. But still. This is more a test of endurance than an awesome espionage mission. So that's where I am right now. Sitting. In the DMV. Doing nothing... Please have me in your prayers.

This is the paragraph where I document the utter insanity that is happening currently (hey I'm in the DMV for no legitimate reason. I need some form of entertainment!)

So there is this annoying voice that announces every person's number and what counter they are going to for assistance. It is very robustly rhythmic and redonkulously robotic. (If there are that many words beginning with the letter "r": you KNOW the sound gets annoying after the first 3 people.) The robot woman stars with an arbitrary "NOW SERVING" then the code (with adequate pauses after EVERY BURGER-FLIPPING SYLLABLE.) "EFF. SIX. ONE. TWO." then it tells you the counter number. For some reason the voice turns all seductive. You don't notice it at first but after the 33rd time the robot lady tends to sound much more excited when announcing the counter number. "at counter number fiiiiiiiive." Now imagine this same sequence of happening at about 5-15 second intervals. My eye twitches at the thought of it. I am helplessly wincing in my mind I I'm thinking "MAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOP." but unfortunately, wishes never come true at the DMV. 

This is the paragraph where I describe the cast of characters at the DMV. Let's start with the people behind the counters that the random robot loves so dearly. Eighty percent of them are elderly. The other twenty percent look like pencil pushers. Almost all of them are wearing glasses. Maybe they are special glasses so when the revived Ghengis Khan comes rampaging in they can use their laser-shooting standardized glasses to restrain him. I wonder if these elderly people are aware that Ghengis Khan is dead... I mean... They were certainly around when he was alive... I guess they weren't invited to the funeral. What a bummer! I heard there was a peacock there that sang the greatest hits of their day. Like "Wade in the Water" or "Ring Around the Rosie" or "Wonderwall" (Trust me. After what I've been through, "Wonderwall" is far beyond dated.) That's what's sad about the DMV. It's so dated. Everything is made of wood. The walls are all painted white. No. Not even white. More like dog poop on the sidewalk. No. Even that's too rich a color. It's more like spilled yogurt that never got cleaned up that's been sitting in the same spot for over twenty years. Yeah. And there are those weird old dusty posters with the squiggly lines that say "It's up to you." WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! I don't understand the DMV's obsession with melodrama in its promotional posters. Especially when in actuality it's all a major borefest. Maybe it's because the most current premotional sign in the DMV was made in 1977.

Anyways. The rant is over. My mom got the liscense. Barely. She barely passed. It's because the signs on the test had no words. You had to guess the words on the signs when in umm... REAL LIFE you don't have to guess. Signs are meant to be read. So really, its the test's fault. If you are driving at a speed in which you can only guess what the signs say, you need your liscense taken away IMMEDIATLY.