DOODOOcacaaa

I don't know what to type right now... but it'll come to me... Like a groundhog coming out to take a gander at its shadow... O.O I got my toooopic!!! Groundhog Day. It's summertime, so that's why I feel we need to break out some ice cold groundhog to cure those heated boredom-bruises of the brain. (BADABADABIIIIING!! ALLITERATION-ING!!! JUST LIKE YAO MING! TOGETHER WE SING THE DING DING -ING SONG!!!!) I should be on a children's show! I got the spunk! I got the edocational caknowledges! GASP. I'LL START NOW!!!! Quick all you parents out there BRING ME YOUR CHILDREN! (Look, I know it's hard to trust an absolute stranger with the product of your loins, but TRUST ME. I'll make sure your kids are safe... I mean... I may not have any official PAPERS gauranteeing the safety of your child PER SAY... BUT YOU HAVE MY SCOUTS HONOR! Yes. I was never a scout. But by no means does that mean I am not equally entitled to their HONOR. We have a Constitution for a reason you know.)

OKAAAY! Children! CHILDREN!!! CHILDREN! Please stop complaining about the rattlesnakes under the floorboa-HEY! DON'T EAT THAT!!! *Sigh* poor Tom just ate snake sheddings. That won't digest easily... BAH! He'll survive. ALRIGHT CHILDREN! Let me tell you the epic tale of Groundhog Day...

Once upon at timeeeee... there was a hog. Now this wasn't any old salmonella poisoning beefcake HOG. No... This Hog was a HIPSTER. Now I'm not talking your average, everyday, "I think I'll where the blue hat" hipster. NO... I'm talking like "Lightbulbs on the CEILING?!?! That's too mainstream." Yes. This hog was HOG-CORR (Wow. That was painful.) He didn't roll in the mud. He stood in the shower. He didn't bend down his head to eat that ugly looking stuff hogs eat. In fact he raised his head up to drink blended vegetarian dishes. (Another added bonus: NO GLUTEN! Yaay!) Yet this hog hated the most mainstream thing of all. LIVING ON THE GROUND. So how did he try to solve this problem? Well he-TOM'S DEAD?! Ummm... Ok kids! Carefully make space in the closet behind me... WIDER! I don't want his vomit on my new fluffy coat! Ok lift him carefully... Good. GOOD! Now, somebody get a Clorox wipe and clean this vomit on the floor and YOU! yeah you! THE GIRL WITH THE NAPPY HAIR!!! Get some Fuhbreeze from the cupboard. The vomit is starting to stink up the room... Ok. While they work on that I will continue. So Mr. Hipster Hog wanted to live amongst the stars. He called his friend Muddlfungus. An Alien who could be found at coordinates 37 14'36.52"N, 115 48'41.16"W. (I told you this hog was a hipster. He hung out with a rather ABNORMAL crew) Anyways, Mr. Muddlfungus had built a HOUSE-CRAFT. A completely sustainable air-house that a whole family could live in for generations at a time. So this hog took a LIMO (heh. Hipster Swag.) to the coordinates. He was almost brutally made into bacon by the staff of Area 51, but they saw that he was THE hipster hog and treated him with the utmost care. The two hipters had a fun day together. They played with some toy aircrafts and they played with some minecrafts (not the explosive kind.) and they got the hog into the housecraft and UP HE WENT! Unfortunately, the housecraft was only meant for human use. Somebody didn't read the label! Silly Muddlfungus! And the hog immediately plummeted down along with the housecraft about an hour and a half into the flight. The house was buried in the ground. This means the Hipster Hog was buried in the ground. But he survived. He adapted! And this hipster was the very first GROUNDHOG. And Groundhog Day commemerates the day of his fateful fall as the epic transformation into the cute wittle fuzzy creature we know and love.

Look, don't put the blame on me! YOU didn't raise him right... He ATE. SNAKE SHEDDINGS. AND NOW HE'S DEAD... No he wasn't. I TOLD YOU: there are no specific papers stating him as MY responsibility!... I WAS NEVER A SCOUT!!!!... erm... loose interpretation?