I almost had a topic but then I completely blanked.

"Everybody" by Basement Jaxx

I'm feeling kind of randomly spontaneous like this song.

I am gonna need topical stuff though.

Hmm... Last time I was talking about the Spaghetti Monster religion.

There is actually a point to its existence though...

Oh reeeeleeee?

Yes really.

You see the religion is deliberately ridiculous. It doesn't mock other religions. But it mocks ridiculous stuff done in the name of religion.

I know, It's quite fascinating.

Alright so I'll just google the words to the beginning of a question and see what comes up...

Then I'll tell you what pops up when I type every letter of the alphabet to start the next word. I will answer these questions.

"HOW DO I" (no letters)

Love thee?

Give me foods.

Get a passport?

You don't need a pass to use a portapotty.

Get ios 7?

Money.

Live without you?
Don't die.

TWO love topics? eww...

"How do I" (Q)

Qualify for unemployment?

Kick your boss repeatedly in the shin.

Qualify for medicaid

Spend all your money.

Qualify for unemployment in NY?

Try theatre without any training.

Quote a tweet?

UMM. RETWEET.

HOLY CRAP. Is everybody trying to get poor?

(W)

Write a resume?
Organize your crap.

Watch videos on instagram?

Update your apps people.

Write a book?

JUST DO IT.

Wipe my mac clean?

CLOROX.

People care more about Instagram than books? sigh...

(E)

Enable cookies?

Buy an oven.

Edit a PDF?

PRINT IT AND USE CRAYONS.

Enable Java?

Go to Starbucks.

Enable cookies in safari?

Bring them with you.

Cookies and coffee sounds pretty good actually...

(R)

Renew my passport?

AGAIN WITH THE PORTAPOTIES! GO AWAY.

Reset my ipod?

Buy an iphone. Get with the times.

Reach these kids?

WITH YOUR ARMS.

Right click on a mac?

IF YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO THAT WHY DID YOU BUY A MAC?!?!!!?!???

One more toilet question and I swear...

(T)

Take a screenshot on my iphone?

PRESS THE BUTTONS.

Take a screenshot?

PRESS THE BUTTONS.

Take a screenshot on my pc?

PRESS THE FREAKIN' BUTTONS ASK ONE MORE TIME. SEE WHAT HAPPENS!

Tie a tie?

(I thought so...) loopdeloop n' pull.

Screenshots are such a high priority nowadays. I guess more important than tuburculosis... and twerking!

(Y)

Yolo?

Leave now before I shoot you.

Youtube?

Youtube is not a verb.

Yahoo?

YAHOO IS NOT A VERB EITHER.

Yodel?

Try to imitate a dying alpaca.

HOW DO I YOLO?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! 

(U)

Update my ipad?

Get itunes.

Unlock my iphone?

How did you forget your own code to begin with?!

Unfriend someone on Facebook?

Is that really a question?

Use icloud?

There are so many ways TO use it that the question is unanswerable.

Technical idiots are everywhere!

(I)

Invest in my future?

Do you really think you'll find the answer from google?

Install fonts?

Money, I'm guessing.

Increase my metabolism?

EAT A BANANA FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.

Install minecraft mods?

I have never played minecraft so I can't help you there...

I am so sassy with my answers...

(O)

Open a rar file?

Use Bitzipper (or is it bitzapper? whatever...)

Open my iphone?

SLIDE THE THINGY.

Obtain a passport?

...............no................

Open a zip file?

Bitzipzapper.

The toilet had the audacity to come up again...

(P)

Put this gently?

Don't sass me like that.

Print screen?

Click "Print".

Print screen on a mac?

Don't make me repeat myself.

Put this disney?

......Wha?

GOOGLE SASSED ME BACK?! Wow.

Next row later peeps! 

Gosh darnit.

"Into the Thick of It!" by The Backyardigans

I HAVE NO TOPIC.

I AM STUMPED.

My creativity.

OH WELL.

I guess I have to make a decision as to how I should entertain you this fine night.

You know what. I'll just google "Free internet entertainment" and see what I can find for you...

Nothing came up.

WHAT THE HECK?!?

HOW IS THIS GOING TO WORK?!?!

Hmmmm...

Lets try googling "flying rabid turnips"

WAIT THERE IS A CHURCH FOR THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER?

YESYESYESYESYESYESYIIISSSSS

CONVERT ME.

Where was I?

Oh I only typed in flying...

Nope. No rabies anywhere.

I find the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster much more entertaining.

So that will be your entertainment.

BEGIN THE PROCESS!

"Set Fire to the Rain" by SoCal VoCals

IT HAS BEGUN.

What? You ask.

I'm starting to pack for college.

For realsies.

What I have recently done was get my stuff out of the garage.

It had been sitting in there for over a month.

Amongst the spiders and the nazis.

I know.

But it's kind of my fault for waiting that long...

You see, I have been incredibly busy-

Who am I kidding...

Well. I faced my fears and did the unthinkable. 

I sorted through my stuff.

It was pretty easy though.

Now I just have to:

Find out what I already have.

Find out what I don't already have.

Contact my roommate to figure out logistics.

GET what I don't have.

PACK what I DO have.

Know what my roommate is going to bring after negotiations.

Know what I am going to bring after negotiations with my roommate.

Sign and send another thingy...

I don't have much time left...

At least I read my books.

At least I read A book.

'Cause I know there will be people who didn't read THAT book.

I wasn't a bad book. I would understand if it was Great Expectations (WHY SO MANY WUUUURDZZZZ??!??!!!?) But this one was aiight.

Shame on those who didn't read it!

Oh, he was a shame!

So about the Mormons

"The Black Eyed Peas Medley" by The Spartones

OK. So I saw the Book of Mormon today.

DAMN.

It was vulgar and disgusting to the point where you wondered "HOW DID THEY GET AWAY WITH THIS?!?!?"

But yeah. It was really REALLY good actually. The plot was motivating despite the sheer absurdity of the comedy. That's hard to do... Props to the creators of South Park.

I would go into detail but I really don't know how I would go about it. You really have to see it for yourself. The show was filled with vulgarity but the vulgarity, which could have driven the audience out of the theatre very easily if executed incorrectly, was actually overshadowed by the storyline. You have to see it to believe it. It was very impressive.

So that's all I got to say about that.

LORD HAVE MERCY THIS POST IS TOO SHORT.

What should I do to fix this problem?

STORYTIME!!!!

GATHER 'ROUND CHILDREN!

There once was a cranky walrus.

Hello Phil

Phil was cranky because the kids in the neighborhood kept egging his house.

So one day, he was able to get those kids arrested by replacing their carton with a carton of BROWN chicken eggs.

The kids were arrested for animal cruelty.

And Phil got his house back!

Look at how happy he is!

Hmm... Chicken abortions? For selfish benefits? Woah. So The Book of Mormon DOES have effects on one's storytelling!

I'm technically behind but it's so early it honestly doesn't matter

"The Wrath of Marcie" by The Go! Team

I am behind because I saw a late night movie. So I'll blog about that.

I saw dat Wolverine movie.

It was alright. They basically stuck to the plot as far as I know. But it was all SO predictable.

I knew that Old Man Jenkins couldn't be trusted. From his first appearance I was like

YOU. I DO NOT TRUST YOU.

Then when he said "I just want your immortality, mmkay? Then you can go home with your tea and cookies" I was like

YAH. OWKAY. THAT SOUNDS PROMISING.

Then when the granddaughter showed up I was like

There's the love intrest!

I knew the red haired girl would be important to saving the day in the final battle scene.

I knew the arrow guy would start fighting for the good guys an then die. YES I KNEW HE WOULD DIE.

I knew Wolverine would almost die at one point.

BUT NONETHELESS. 

It was still a good movie. Even if the plot was incredibly predictable. It was well done. 

And the teaser for the movie with Sentinels in it was pretty cool too.

Yeah I know that plotline already.

I don't know specifics, but a bunch of killer robots put all the mutants in danger. 

That's all I know.

That movie will be cool.

PS: I might FINALLY go see Book of Mormon today. I'll tell you how it is.

So my sissy had a gymnastics performance

"Cool Kitty" from Class of 3000

She was sooo adorbs.

Yes.

First they had this cheer routine...

and that was cute and all.

Then they did a bunch of flips. And my sister did an awesome flippy thing FOLLOWED BY A PERFECT CARTWHEEL.

THAT'S MA SISTER!

I don't believe I'm half as flexible as she is. Sure I'm like a human praying mantis...

But that doesn't mean I can be even remotely flexible...

Then the whole camp did this choreographed dance.

It was pretty on point too, which is impressive for kids that are so young.

I still don't get how they did it.

I can't even choreograph potty training for Bean. (Ok that was a lie. I'm somewhat competent.)

But still! Maybe I should teach them the "LET ME SLEEP" dance. Because Bean would occasionally barge into my room while I'm sleeping and JUMP ON ME REPEATEDLY.

JUMP.

ON ME.

REPEATEDLY.

Excuse me. I have to go cool down.

THREE POSTS BEHIND

"James Bonde" by Bonde Do Role

I need to kick it into gear like the Spanish James Bond.

Let me tell you what happened two days ago.

So I went into the office with my mom because I was sooooooooooo bored in the house and they also had a variety of breakfast options.

Everybody was in suits and stuff and they walked around discussing business stuff.

Very Official!

And I'm over here like

Where's the snack machine?

Anyways, I don't really like the corporate environment.

Everyone is in their cubicles. (Well, my mom is in the executive status flat screen tv cubicle, but I wouldn't even be happy there.)

When she worked with Pfizer she was doing the exact same boring stuff.

Checking her work voicemail.

Checking her email.

Editing Powerpoints.

Buisness calls.

Buisness meetings.

Repeat.

I mean sure, it makes the moolah but WHERE IS THE ADVENTURE?

Being there just reassured my desire to be an actor/performer/entertainer/whatevah.

I mean, it is easier to go for money jobs. But I need to be happy doing the job. Feeling complete motivates me more than getting paid. (But money is still incredibly important: It buys things.) 

So yeah.

My next post will be about my Whiney's cheer-gymnastics performance.

Speaking of offices I left my laptop in that office. Hence my behindedness. Sorry!