Billy of the Politics

"Buy Nothing Day" by The Go! Team

You see, yesterday and today were both nothing days. (You should expect a lot more of these coming too) so I'm just going to finish off the Billy McKinney Trio.

This one was a politician. But he was a hippie too. I know OXYMORONIC MUCH? But "Hippie" is relative. Not all hippies are FIGHT THE SYSTEM types of people.

Not every hippie owns pretty cars.

So at first, this guy was a donkey politics-wise.

Meet Billy

But then he joined the Green Party.

I know what you're thinking "Where is the green party? I wanna come!"

It's on 150 Varick Street

But wait! Before you go I need to finish my story!

So he joined the green POLITICAL party

yeah. political.

And the green party supports. Well. Green stuff. Like vegetables.

He is well known for integrating the Atlanta Police Department and he even got a highway named after him! Go Billy!

But then he lost his seat in the Georgia house of reps and his daughter lost her seat in congress because they said some stupid stuff.

Nobody really liked his daughter's foreign policy ideals. 

But that's beside the point because when someone asked him about his daughter using old endorsements for her campaign in 2002 he said:

"Jews have bought everybody. Jews. J-E-W-S."

I mean sure he was a prominent Jewish leader but seriously? He was all like

pshhhaw. Guuurl. 

And it got him fired.

And then he died three years ago.

ROAD TRIP

"2ba Master" by Pokemon

The chorus of this song is perfect for a road trip no? So my family went on a 14 hour road trip back home. I'll call it THE GREAT DISNEY ROAD TRIP OF 1984. We watched mainly Disney movies. And a little Dora. And a little Powerpuff. We took pee breaks every 3 hours.

Here is the roster






Yeah. It was a long trip.

Not much else happened. Except for the fact that the Mystery Machine was at one of the rest stops.

WHAAT?!

Yep. I'm not lying. It was amazing. It made the trip that much better.

So we got back home and I'm ready for bed and I see a spider at the top of the wall above where I sleep. As you well know by now, usually I'm all like

please kindly leave... please?

But I was so tired.

and this was the last straw.

NOT TODAY

So I threw my clothes at it and chased it away from my bed.

But no.

That wasn't enough.

I got a direct hit with a shirt I don't wear anymore and it dropped to the floor.

I took my mother's shoe that she doesn't wear anymore.

And I squashed the abomination with the force of a charging noncancerous rhinoceros.

VICTORY!

SO yeah. Two left.

PREPARE THE CORNY.

"Doing the Sponge" by Spongebob Squarepants

So the day after graduation My college had this luau for all incoming freshman.

Everyone was like this

But then our mutual awkwardness as a new class melted the ice. We all actually started having fun and socializing and what not. We had a water balloon tossing contest. My partner for that was a cool dude. His pseudonym will be Tossle: Because he was an excellent tosser! We almost won both times. 

Then we played limbo. I survived for a surprisingly long time despite my height.

WOAWOAWOAH!!! WRONG LIMBO BUD!

That's more like it!

I was especially impressed with another cool dude who was awesome at limbo. I didn't talk to him but I swear if he isn't going for dance then I might just spontaneously combust.

But he was all like

Damn.

And I was watching all like

THAT'S MY CLASSMATE!

Then I met an Accounting Major and another BFA Acting Major and a bunch of people who I can't attribute pseudonyms to yet and socialized successfully for a good hour and made shapes and got on the train and went to deliver gifts to people who helped me out this year. 

And I went to Garbear's house and was interrupted by Horribear's negative energy, but then I went into the basement and found Garbear! Watching an 'Murkan movie about 'Murka!! It was really cool that I got to see him before leaving town because I feel like it's going to be quite a long time before I end up back in the town where I attended high school. Wow. It's gonna be a REALLY long time isn't it... 

I'll end the post here before your sobbing starts.

3 LEFT YO!!  

So today is Graduation!

"We Walk" by The Ting Things

GET IT?! GRADUATION?!? WALKING?!?!? WALKING AT GRADUATION?!?!?!? I don't. We just assume that walking and high school graduation are connected. They ain't. High school graduation is actually a great deal of sitting.

Ok, So my parents snored again but this time I woke up at like 6:00 instead of 2:00. So I could deal. I had to be a The College Where You Purchase Things at like 11:30. And we had to rehearse our Green Day Senior sing song(s). The auditorium was excellent and the microphones were state of the art. And I got to see the Trouble Singers all crying and stuff during the rehearsal. Yeah, during the rehearsal.

Wait until we actually leave!

Then you'll really be in the dumps. For Woosh Woman, I was the tear ignitor. In response to that I say GOOD. I know what you're thinking:

HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!?!?

You see, I believe that there is no point in mentally delaying the inevitable tears and the emotion behind the seniors graduating. So if you're the type that cries, GET IT ALL OUT.

So after rehearsal, we were put into alphabet lines outside of the auditorium. And we were waiting so long we started playing Can Jam with our hats. SPEAKING OF THOSE HATS. THE DAMN TASSEL.

This kept happening

They are the most ungodly creation. WHY DO THEY EXIST?!?!?!?!?!?!?!???

So then we all sat in our stage chairs and listened to people go to the podium and talk and talk and talk and talk. Even the Vice President of Birds was talking for a while. One person did knock it out of the park though. Her speech was quite near perfection. Like, she definitely got the 1 in that OO round. And that was the Tennis Tyrant, the Tactical Triumph, our Class Salutatorian, INFOA! (Hey it's a good one. It uses the letters in her name and she is smart with information!) Her speech was the perfect balance of humor and sound advice. 

BRAVO!

So then we sang the song. Fork? We sat down again and they had a slideshow of our high school careers. I was a T sitting in the waaaaaaaaaaaaay back. So everyone in the slideshow looked seriously distorted.

I wish this were an exaggeration...

Then I got my papers. Then I got pictures with Sanswag, Scampi Joke, Jenny Craig, DaBrill, Infoa, McMuffin, Tuna, Panini, blah blah blah.

Then I ate cheesecake.

4 MORE 2 GO!

So today...

"One Winged Angel (Final Fantasy VII)" by Nobuo Uematsu

Is the day before graduation. My family had to all sleep in the same room for the first time in a looooooooong time. I didn't get much sleep though. Why you ask? Both of my parents snore LOUDLY. That is why I chose this ominous song. I would be up. I would check the clock. 2 AM. My dad snored like a chainsaw attached to a lawnmower with the engine of a Honda. And My mom is the same but with a regular lawnmower engine. As soon as my dad would stop and I would think "FINALLY! SOME SLEEP!!" Mom would start her engine and ruin my life.

I didn't get much sleep so I was not in a good mood when we took a family trip to Playland.

And that's exactly what I did

I didn't really like Playland anymore. Having gone to Six Flags every year for Chorus including this year, Playland felt mediocre.

Meh.

Also, We took the kiddies too. Do you know what that means? KIDDIELAND. ALL. DAY.

NOT. ME.

My mom of course wanted me to ride with Whiney so I tried to... Then I blew my hip because I was too tall for one of the rides. I thought I was comfortable at first but then the ride started an my thigh bone was pressing into my hip bone and it hurt a lot and I was trying to hide it but it was so hard to hide that pain.

FUN. SO. HAVING. I. MUCH. AM.

I didn't go on any more kiddie rides. Kiddie land is the most dangerous side of the park.

LEAVE WHILE YOU CAN.

And we did and went to the beach. I was 9500% done and just wanted to go back to the hotel. But the beach was relaxing.

Staying stressed is very difficult

BUT WE ALL MANAGED TO DO IT. Bean started playing with the other kids toys. That was our queue to leave. 

For dinner I ate at PF Chang's with Whiney and Mother. That made up for the snoring.  

5 TO GO!

OK

"Popcorn" by The Muppets

According to my calculations I am exactly a seven day week behind on blog posts!

I'M IN BIG TROUBLE

It is a very scary feeling being behind especially on the most eventful week of the year! So much happened! But don't worry, I'll try not to leave anything out. In fact, I WON'T LEAVE ANYTHING OUT! I took note of these events in chronological order. So expect SEVEN count'em SEVEN posts today!

It's alright! I GOT THIS!

So how did I get THIS FAR BEHIND. Well you see, I could have blogged every day of the SUPER EVENTS WEEK but the hotel I was staying in with my family required a password for the internet and I couldn't find it anywhere.

WHAT A DILEMMA!

So I'm going to explain my week in chronological blog posts. Also, btw, I'm only six posts behind now!

BOOYAH!

PS: Equality! YAY! (You know what I'm talking about so I don't need to go into detail.)

Pool party!

"Pool Party" by The Aquabats!

Soooooooooooo Songbird had this whole graduation thing going on. And she decided HEY Howzaboutapoolpartee!

YAY!

Was it fun? Yes. It was. Critic was there and Sanswag was there and even Politician was there too! Songbird had chips and free cupcakes and a pool!

The only thing I wasn't all that crazy about was the lack of organized activity. Everyone was kind of free to do as they wished. I don't like those kinds of parties because I am indecisive as to what I WANT to do. My indecision then leads to boredom. 

Critic was trolololing with Politician the whole time, especially trolololing Curly Q.

Crisco was (Practically) making out with Mantaray since he arrived. They would repeatedly walk into the damn woods and be missing for a good while. Then come back like nothing's happening.

Like we don't know what you're doing in the woods...

And I, well, I spent my time mainly with Bucky, Broadway and Woosh Woman. I didn't do much at all. Which I don't regret. I kind of liked just watching everything happen. 

I did do some stuff though. Like go on the trampoline with Sanswag, Stancakes, and Sassafrass.

I was all like

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

In response they were all like

I have no control!!!

In response to that I would be like

ALL OF YOU ARE PEASANTS!!!

What else did I do? Hmm... I played volleyball for a little bit against Politician and Critic.

But then I kind of spiked the ball into Songbird's pond.

Did I do that? 

And they had to use the pool cleaner net thingy to get it back.

That's pretty much all I did. So yeah. It was fun and stuff.