It's funny

 I've been auditioning, I've been travelling, yet I still don't have a topic! hmm. How about whales! I mean sure it's random. I mean c'mon. They're whales.

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!

Whales are pretty good at starting conversations. They seem to be pretty normal on the surface. But really, they are part of the Italian Mafia. And all sorts of abnormally large squid are after them. You see, the squid are like the police officers of the sea. They make sure to keep all the other crazy sea animals in line. Mainly by eating them. But WHALES are notorious for taking down squid sometimes. There is this GINORMOUS war going on Under the Sea. Seriously though! The squids are all like "Imma Taking Yew To The Slammer!"

And by the slammer I MEAN MY MOUTH!

However, the humans who are aware that the whales are the criminals automatically hold each and every whale responsible! NO! THEY GOT IT ALL WRONG! Only a small percentage are part of the aquatic mafia! And the things these people DO to these whales! I googled "whaling" so I could post a picture. Word of advice: DON'T GOOGLE WHALING. EVER. You'll have an emotional breakdown and it will haunt you for a good 2 hours. Since the squid ARE the police of the sea, they will not stand for the deaths of innocent whales!

Don't go whaling. It's illegal. And if the squid find out, you. will. die.

You want to know the real story of the Little Mermaid. It's actually a tragedy. One of the saddest love tragedies of all time. There is so much corruption and heartbreak that you will most likely be scarred for life FOREVER. Ok. Melodrama. But not really if I'm good enough at telling it. So Ariel meets this guy right?

MAN O' MA DREAMZ!

Well, In the non-Disney Rtyoyo version: He's a whaler. You see the whole reason Sebastien goes through a whole song attempting to convince Ariel to stay is because HE KNOWS that man is a whaler. He recognized the ship. Also, Ariel's dream guy had no real interest in her. He was planning to kill her for her scales. She is completely unaware of this. So when her father learns of the situation from Sebastien, OF COURSE HE'LL BE OVERPROTECTIVE. But Ariel's strong will and stubbornness is too powerful. So her father slumps in his chair. Feeling horrible. He can't even save his daughter's life... Ariel then goes to Ursula for help. Ursula, while she likes to play the creepy-witch-doctor, ISN'T EVIL. She only looks intimidating because she is an undercover cop.

You gotta look TOUGH when fighting underwater crime!

Ursula, recognizing the danger in the situation, gives Ariel legs so she can't be killed by her love. Ursula also makes sure to mute Ariel so the man can have no idea she is a mermaid. What Ursula didn't know was that this man SAW Ariel  in the water. Ariel comes up, human and all. The man tries to get Ariel to change back, realizing that she is under a spell, and ACTUALLY FALLS IN LOVE WITH HER. Then one day, she spoke. and she transformed. and the man tried to hide her but the shipmates knew. So they took her in the middle of the night and...

:,(

and they killed the man too. for being a "fish-lover."

let that sink in.

tearing up yet?

Ursula was pissed to say the least and went on a roaring rampage of revenge. 

EVERYONE. ON THAT SHIP. DIED.

This was a cruise ship. So 90 percent of the people were innocent and had no idea the whaling was going on. This included the elderly, the women, the children, the tour guides. EVERYONE.

Then... The Funeral.

Ariel's father couldn't bring himself to attend. Neither could any of the other fish. The humans had declared war on the sea as a result of Ursula's rampage and started polluting EVERYTHING: Slowly killing off Ariel's friends. one by one. They even got Flounder. 

The end.