OH MEH GERD.

DIS DANGED PRINTER. IS CAUSING ME SOOOO MANY DANGED PROBLEMS. I'm just minding my business, trying to print my Shakespeare paper, and my printer is being a sassy little valley-in-the-hills girl! OMG PRINTERS. They are so freaking bipolar! ONE MOMENT THEY ARE ALL LIKE "COOLIO DUDE! LET'S MAKE PAYPER!"

Man's Best Friend of the technology world!

The next second, they are destroying your life. no really.

Couldn't print documentation? EVICTION.

It only takes the slightest provocation to get a printer ticked off at you. I tried to print but nooooooooo it required more ink. Then I ended up accidentally disconnecting the printer from Wifi, THEN, when I fixed THAT problem (Which took a freaking HOUR.) I learned the hard way that I had the wrong ink replacement the whole time...........

I'M. SO. FREAKING. MAD. One would THINK a printer wouldn't cause so much trouble! You don't understand! Printers require so much maintenance and one TIIIIIINY flaw and your whole night is freaking occupied trying to fix it! People think black cats and spilled salt cause bad luck. NO. PRINTERS CAUSE BAD LUCK.

NOT. FUNNY. (actually that's a pretty good one.)

Printers are secretly plotting the demise of humanity!!!!!!!!! This Pie Chart IS PROOOOOOOOF!!

I'm telling you. And I'm telling you good. Printers will destroy us all. We need to destroy as many as possible so that nobody can be betrayed by them anymore. Who knows? Maybe Charles Darwin was really talking about printers when discussing survival of the fittest...

OMG HE SO TOTALLY WAS! :(

It's funny

 I've been auditioning, I've been travelling, yet I still don't have a topic! hmm. How about whales! I mean sure it's random. I mean c'mon. They're whales.

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE!

Whales are pretty good at starting conversations. They seem to be pretty normal on the surface. But really, they are part of the Italian Mafia. And all sorts of abnormally large squid are after them. You see, the squid are like the police officers of the sea. They make sure to keep all the other crazy sea animals in line. Mainly by eating them. But WHALES are notorious for taking down squid sometimes. There is this GINORMOUS war going on Under the Sea. Seriously though! The squids are all like "Imma Taking Yew To The Slammer!"

And by the slammer I MEAN MY MOUTH!

However, the humans who are aware that the whales are the criminals automatically hold each and every whale responsible! NO! THEY GOT IT ALL WRONG! Only a small percentage are part of the aquatic mafia! And the things these people DO to these whales! I googled "whaling" so I could post a picture. Word of advice: DON'T GOOGLE WHALING. EVER. You'll have an emotional breakdown and it will haunt you for a good 2 hours. Since the squid ARE the police of the sea, they will not stand for the deaths of innocent whales!

Don't go whaling. It's illegal. And if the squid find out, you. will. die.

You want to know the real story of the Little Mermaid. It's actually a tragedy. One of the saddest love tragedies of all time. There is so much corruption and heartbreak that you will most likely be scarred for life FOREVER. Ok. Melodrama. But not really if I'm good enough at telling it. So Ariel meets this guy right?

MAN O' MA DREAMZ!

Well, In the non-Disney Rtyoyo version: He's a whaler. You see the whole reason Sebastien goes through a whole song attempting to convince Ariel to stay is because HE KNOWS that man is a whaler. He recognized the ship. Also, Ariel's dream guy had no real interest in her. He was planning to kill her for her scales. She is completely unaware of this. So when her father learns of the situation from Sebastien, OF COURSE HE'LL BE OVERPROTECTIVE. But Ariel's strong will and stubbornness is too powerful. So her father slumps in his chair. Feeling horrible. He can't even save his daughter's life... Ariel then goes to Ursula for help. Ursula, while she likes to play the creepy-witch-doctor, ISN'T EVIL. She only looks intimidating because she is an undercover cop.

You gotta look TOUGH when fighting underwater crime!

Ursula, recognizing the danger in the situation, gives Ariel legs so she can't be killed by her love. Ursula also makes sure to mute Ariel so the man can have no idea she is a mermaid. What Ursula didn't know was that this man SAW Ariel  in the water. Ariel comes up, human and all. The man tries to get Ariel to change back, realizing that she is under a spell, and ACTUALLY FALLS IN LOVE WITH HER. Then one day, she spoke. and she transformed. and the man tried to hide her but the shipmates knew. So they took her in the middle of the night and...

:,(

and they killed the man too. for being a "fish-lover."

let that sink in.

tearing up yet?

Ursula was pissed to say the least and went on a roaring rampage of revenge. 

EVERYONE. ON THAT SHIP. DIED.

This was a cruise ship. So 90 percent of the people were innocent and had no idea the whaling was going on. This included the elderly, the women, the children, the tour guides. EVERYONE.

Then... The Funeral.

Ariel's father couldn't bring himself to attend. Neither could any of the other fish. The humans had declared war on the sea as a result of Ursula's rampage and started polluting EVERYTHING: Slowly killing off Ariel's friends. one by one. They even got Flounder. 

The end.

BU Audition!

Seeew I had a college audition today that went fairly well today. So yeah. I guess I'll describe my journey to Boston.

So first, I had to get on a choo-choo. For an hour. Then get on another choo-choo at Penn Station. Penn Station is this place that always smells like really REALLY epic popcorn. Also, Tropicana owns the ceiling. Lastly, there is this HUGE BOARD THINGY that doesn't tell you which track to go on until the very last minute. So there is always a massive crowd of people just standing and staring at that board.

"Gotta keep checkin' dat board!"

And I really really REEEEEEALLLY wanted to buy popcorn but I didn't have time. Penn Station is a place that seems to move faster than the speed of time. I thought I had like thirty minutes to spare but I was so dazed and confused that it felt like I only had two. Between the board and the people and the Tropicana it was all very perplexing.

"BETTA NOT MISS DAT CHOO-CHOO!"

So I get on the train and it's business class and everybody is in corporate looking fancy forensics suits and I'm all like:

Hey, guys. I see you have a neat graph right there on ya laptop.

Then I got off at the wrong stop.

SO. DONE.

But today's audition was excellent! At first the judge was very unenthusiastic. For good reasons, my humorous wasn't quite as developed as my dramatic. But he showed DEEP interest in my dramatic piece and completely transformed it from this:

Yeah! Pretty cool!

TO THIS:

BRUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHHH!!!!

And the best part is that now I can totally incorporate this power into my other auditions! So it was a win-win! A mutual discovering of hidden potential! And I am very happy!

I wonder what new things will come of tomorrow's audition...

IIIIIIT'S NANNERPUSS!

So, for my post, I shall, stall, for time, as I try, to, come up with, a, topical, tropical, topic. OK! At least I have a theme! Tropical. Because it rhymes with topical. That seems logical. Unlike popsicles. FHEDRYIEOHGJWBNWJHK! THE CORNY RHYMES MUST END HERE! Who do you think you are? John Deere? Ok. Now I'm done. That was fun. (Maybe this will stop if end the paragraph here...)

OK!!! FREEEDOM!!! FREEDOM FROM THE REALM OF RHYMING!!! Get the cake! Woops, forgot that was a lie. So how about we compromise (WOAH! THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL.) by making the topic about tropical pie! CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

NOOOOO, NOT THIS PIE.

Now this is what I'm TALKING ABOUT!

This beauty my friends is the Tropical Key Lime Pie! Some gurl named Abigail posted this recipe but the first thing she states is that SHE DOESN'T USUALLY MAKE DESSERTS. Well, Miss Abigail, how da cheesy are you gonna have the dang AUDACITY of posting a freakin' DESSERT when DESSERTS AREN'T EVEN YOUR FORTE! I am already very very doubtful of this recipe, and I haven't even gotten to the ingredients. So, Hot-shot Abigail goes on to say "WHAT AM I GONNA DOO WITH ALL DESE LIMES ON MEH LIME TREE. I HAVE TOO. MANY. LIMES." Umm... quick question. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND GROWS A LIME TREE IN THEIR YARD?!

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

Why can't you just go to Stop n' Shop like a NORMAL person?

OH and I LOVE this quote "A person can only drink so many mojitos..." So Abigail is also a raging alcoholic. WELL GREAT. One would think that the type of person who posts recipes looks like this

:

SPREADING BEAUTIFUL CAKE RECIPES FOR THE WORLD TO CHERISH!!!

But I think this "Abigail" character is more like this:

Are you sure you want her recipes?

Also, this pie was her last resort. The only reason she made it was to get rid of the excess limes. So does the recipe matter at this point? Not all that much. There is no indication that she wanted to make it tasty. She only seemed to make the pie because she had limes to spare...

SO I guess, the moral of this post is: don't grow a freakin' lime tree in your yard.

THEY ARE THE COCKROACHES OF THE FRUIT FAMILY.

So I took my first of many road tests today.

It ended up like this:

WHYYYYY SPONGEBOB? WHYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?

But I can try as many times as I want so: Hataz Gon' Hate. You see, I went in there feeling confident that my skeels were up to par. However, when I met the cold, unfeeling, tax collecting proctor, my fate was sealed. I knew I was dead from the very beginning.

So the proctor looked kinda like this:

"This ain't gonna work. Puh."

Seriously, I thought everything might actually work out. But as soon as I realized my proctor was a sassy African-American woman, I knew my chances were ZIP. Where should I start. I hit the curb parallel parking. This really sucked because I did it perfectly multiple times moments before the test. The proctor (let's call her Bonquisha) was playing psychological mind games with me the whole time. Bonquisha was silent. It was creepin' me out and messing with my flow. Bonquisha also gave me extra points on things that  she didn't point out to me. I'm not too bummed though. Bonquisha won't be there EVERY TIME. 

The one thing I don't understand is how freakin' hard the test is. Yet people still suck after getting their license. It's all like, "Prove to us you can drive perfectly for 5 minutes then you can roam free and make up your own rules." MEH. Oh well. I just have to hone my technique and I'll do better next time. 

Maybe had the weather been more generous, I would have done slightly better. The weather sucks today. Yesterday was fine. But today. Nuh-uh. Not even the weather was generous. 

The roads will be nice and clear tomorrow for my--WELL CRAP.

We had a 2-hour delay. Most schools were closed. But not us. We're Edumacatyional hipsters. I was dumb enough to WALK to school. What should have been your average stroll turned into the most adventurous trip on the planet.

There was the risk of THIS:

SNOWSNOWSNOWSNOWHOLYCRAPWOMBATSTEWWWWW!!!

Never underestimate the depths of a puddle on the side of the side walk:

DERP! WET SOCKS!

And the CARS. THOSE UNGODLY CARS!

EVERY FREAKIN' CAR DOES THIS.

However a lot of good did come from this journey, when I finally got to school I felt like a GOD.

I know I'm awesome.

After that I felt like I could survive ANYTHING!!! Well, except a driving test.

2013!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS THING STILL EXISTS. YA'LL JUST DON'T GOT NO EYES TO SEE IT NO MO! But do I care? Obviously not. But. I'm back. So EXPECT. MORE. AWESOME!!

Not enough awesome for you? GO SWAB THE POOP DECK!

So yes the topic of the day will be Power Rangers Mystic Force. Ok. I don't watch that show. But I can already assume what happens in it. sparks. EVERYWHERE. You know? How come the Power Rangers never bleed? Because it's a kids show. Ok. I get it. But what's with those horrid sparks?! I really fail to see the point. Maybe they aren't people at all. Maybe they have so much iron in their blood that when attacked by enemies... Maybe as soon as there is penetration of the skin the sparks go flying. So if one of them ever gets a paper cut, the classroom will change from this: 

Ok, let's do those algebraw thingyz.

TO THIS:

I'm predicting a snow day tomorrow...

Anyways, Mystic Force is a really cool name, so is Dino Thunder, and SPD. (JK. SPD FAILED.) It's like they were hired by Dr. Strange or something. No matter how many sequels there are, it's always the same. People in spandex using sparks and Optimus Prime to take down freaky looking Amphibians. But how about we get even more specific to the Mystic Force episodes...

So according to my sources Mystic Force is the 14th season of Power Rangers. WAIT HERE. 14TH. What is this nonsense? Mystic Force is like, ancient by now... WHAT SEASON COULD THEY POSSIBLY BE ON NOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? GEEZ. When it comes to long runs, Power Rangers is the Phantom of the Opera of children's shows. (I only limit it to children's shows because soap operas are just RIDICULOUS when it comes to long runs. In General Hospital, it took TWENTY REAL. WITHOUT ANY TIME SKIPS. YEARS. For two principal characters to get married. Honey, that was before I was born! I know because I saw the marriage and Motherbot was BAWLING.) 

Anyways, the plot is that there is some guy in the Hundred Acre Wood looking for Christopher Robin. He finds another dude, named Nick, to go look for Christopher Robin. Nick is a newcomer in town so he thinks the Hundred Acre Wood is all like:

Would you like some fries with your potato salad?

Everybody else is all scared of the seemingly harmless forest. Others accompany him on his journey, and they realize that the villagers are right. The Hundred Acre Wood is filled with freaky looking evil monsters.

would u lyke sum DEATH with ur DEATH!

Yah. Only the Power Rangers can solve that problem. WHY DOES THIS PLOT STINK SO MUCH?! The moral of the plot SHOULD be "MYSTIC FORCE MEGAZORD GOGOGOGOOOO!!" When the actual moral of the story is "Don't go snooping around in the Hundred Acre Wood. AND DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS." See. Had Nick not spoken to the random guy number 27, he wouldn't have to have the ABSOLUTE BURDEN of saving the world from the horrid creatures of the Hundred Acre Wood. But nooooooooo. You have to be a naive fool!

OH LORD. HIS FACE WREAKS OF DOOFUS!

AAAAAAAAAND to add icing to the gigantic cake of disappointment, he brought other INNOCENT INTELLIGENT bystanders into his orb of stupidity. FOR SHAME NICK. FOR SHAAAME.

And that ends my review. My New Year's resolution is to blog more. (I know this won't happen. New Year's Resolutions never work. No really, If you're resolution was to "stop being condescending" for the past 3 years: get real honey, it ain't happenin'.)