Height Issues

I am tall. That is an understatement. I am VERY tall. Still an understatement. I am UNDENIABLY and ABSOLUTELY tall. And guess what? That's still an understatement. This has proved time and time again this school year to literally get in the way of things. Add the bookshelf-sized backpack and you have an accidental serial killer in the making. OK. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. "How could this dashingly handsome and affluent young man be a serial killer?" Well,,, I have it down to a science by now. So I'll show you how my tallness correlates with my (ACCIDENTAL!) violent tendencies.

Being tall is like being a Mormon. Never mind. That comparison would take way too much effort on my part to try to prove. Also, people would think that I somehow believe that Mormons are serial killers. (Serial Killer=Tall=Mormon? I don't think so.) So I'll stick to the KILLER comparison (Serial Killer=Tall! CORRECT!!!) So how about we prove that! OK!

Fact #1! Tall people are clumsy; clumsy to the point where it could kill someone! I have a made up story EVIDENCE too!!! So there one was this tall guy, right and he was hanging out in the bathroom. (tall people go to the bathroom just to fit in.) and some shorter guy was about to leave. They were going to high five, but the tall man MIIIIISSSSSED!!!!!!! And smacked the shorty's face! Oh No! And shorty fell through the front door onto an endless staircase! HE FALLS TO THIS DAY! In fact I even have a personal story demonstrating the accidental serial killer tendencies of the tall...

So in gym class we are playing soccer. My chances of hitting the ball is in actuality a 20:1 ratio. When I'm not hitting the ball (which is a common occurrence. NOT HITTING.) I'm either punting an imaginary kitten or breaking the shins of my peers. It's bad! It's not like I can see what my feet are doing. THEY ARE IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT ATMOSPHERE! Serial killers tend to have repetetive tendencies... Breaking Shins... happens every other day...

Fact #2! Tall people are tall. I know what you're thinking: "NOOOOOO FREAKING DUUUUUH!!! That's like saying potatoes are like potatoes!" OK. I see your point. But being TALL is DIFFFEERRREEEENNNTT. The problem here is that I cannot see any of the wittle noobs because I am a head and a half taller than the tall ones. Than the TALL. ONES. Don't even try to compare me to the short ones. I don't want you spending money on a microscope. Have you ever tripped over a living, breathing, walking body? YOU DON'T WANT TO. IT'S UNPLEASANT.


Fact #3! I actually don't have one right now. But I need to follow the rule of three or my point won't be made adequately. "Only two facts! I don't believe you. In fact, YOUR ARGUMENT IS PREPOSTOROUS AND I MUST SEND YOU TO THE LAND OF RABBID GOATS FOR YOUR INSUFFICIENT ARGUMENT!!!!" I don't want to be sent to the land of rabbid goats. GASP! There's my fact three! Let's try this again...

Fact #1: CLUMSY

Fact #2: TALL

Fact #3: I DON'T WANT TO BE SENT TO THE LAND OF RABBID GOATS!

"Wow! This is a work of art! I love your edits. You my friend deserve an American Red Cross brand chocolate chip cookie!"

REALLY??? But that's like... The Medal of Honor of Sugary Sweets! The Nobel Prize of Chocolate Chips! The OSCARS, of Baking Mastery!!

"Yes, and you earned it!"

And that's why you should ALWAYS use th rule of three!!!! *Chucky Cheezy smile followed by Goofity thumbs up symbol!*